Quotes: Self-deception
Self‑deception is about the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of who we are, stories that often simplify or distort. The voices gathered here — Epictetus, Alfred Adler, Tom Robbins — show how judgments, meanings and longing shape self‑image and then steer decisions in love and life, sometimes away from truth.
The recurring question is who is responsible for wholeness. Rather than blaming circumstances or expecting a partner to complete us, these authors press us to scrutinize the meanings we assign and to accept the work of personal fulfillment for ourselves.
5 quotes on this theme, each with its source and insight
The quotes
“If you don’t find a way to love a flawed person, secretly you’re teaching yourself that you are not lovable because of your flaws.”
Source: no specific work is documented · Check the source
Disputed attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The sentence is widely attributed to T. D. Jakes across quote compilations, but no searchable primary book, sermon transcript, or publisher text has been found for this exact wording.
- What remains uncertain
- The attribution is disputed/weakly sourced; the wording may be a paraphrase or variant circulating online rather than a verified line from a specific published or transcribed work.
The line says refusing to love someone’s imperfections teaches you, in secret, that your own flaws make you unlovable. It ties into modern themes of grace and healing and fits T. D. Jakes’s known emphasis on worth beyond perfection. The wording mainly appears in online quote collections and is not firmly sourced to a primary text.
“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. They will practice Indian yoga and all its exercises, observe a strict regimen of diet, learn the literature of the whole world—all because they cannot get on with themselves and have not the slightest faith that anything useful could ever come out of their own souls.”
Source: Psychology and Alchemy, Collected Works vol. 12, para. 126 (1944/1953) · Check the source
Verified attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The sentence is published in Psychology and Alchemy (Collected Works, vol. XII), paragraph 126, and is traceable in standard editions of Jung’s writings.
Jung criticizes using external practices as a shield: disciplines, diets and exotic techniques can mask a refusal to explore one’s own psyche. The line appears in Psychology and Alchemy and underlines that inner work, not technique, produces genuine change.
“Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations.”
Source: What Life Should Mean to You, p. 14 · Check the source
Verified attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The wording is traceable to Adler's What Life Should Mean to You, notably the sentence found on page 14 of English editions.
Adler argues that events don't fix our identity—our interpretations do. By assigning meaning to situations we shape motives and choices. This line appears in What Life Should Mean to You and captures his move from determinism to human agency.
“When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on—series polygamy—until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment.”
Source: Still Life with Woodpecker, 1980 · Check the source
Verified attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The wording is associated with Tom Robbins’s novel Still Life with Woodpecker (1980) and appears there as a narrated reflection.
- What remains uncertain
- Quoted versions in collections are sometimes slightly edited, but the passage’s attribution to Robbins and the novel is established.
Robbins argues that searching for someone to “complete” you keeps you stuck in a cycle of blame and partner‑switching. The line, from a 1980 novel, reframes romantic disappointment as a failure of personal responsibility and inner work.
“It is not things that trouble us, but our judgments about things.”
Source: Enchiridion, 5 (c. early 2nd century AD) · Check the source
Verified attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The statement appears in Enchiridion 5, a handbook compiling Epictetus' teachings as recorded by his student Arrian.
Epictetus teaches that disturbance arises from how we appraise events, not from events themselves. This practical claim — central to the Enchiridion — hands you back control: change your judgments and you change your experience.