“If you don’t find a way to love a flawed person, secretly you’re teaching yourself that you are not lovable because of your flaws.”
— T. D. Jakes · 1957 –Source: no specific work is documented · Check the source
Disputed attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The sentence is widely attributed to T. D. Jakes across quote compilations, but no searchable primary book, sermon transcript, or publisher text has been found for this exact wording.
- What remains uncertain
- The attribution is disputed/weakly sourced; the wording may be a paraphrase or variant circulating online rather than a verified line from a specific published or transcribed work.
Understanding the quote
The line says refusing to love someone’s imperfections teaches you, in secret, that your own flaws make you unlovable. It ties into modern themes of grace and healing and fits T. D. Jakes’s known emphasis on worth beyond perfection. The wording mainly appears in online quote collections and is not firmly sourced to a primary text.
The story behind it
Thomas Dexter Jakes Sr. was born June 9, 1957, in South Charleston, West Virginia. He is active as a pastor, author, and filmmaker, which helps his phrases spread widely.
Going further
- The era
- In the internet age, many aphorisms circulate on quote sites rather than in printed sermons or books.
- The thinking
- In practice: choose compassion over dismissal. The idea asks you to treat flaws as part of being human, and to prove worth by loving despite them.
- Key word
- Grace: choosing compassion over judgment when someone shows their flaws.
Three challenges to live it
In the app, you pick the one that fits your day, and in the evening you say how it went.
Write a 250–350 word letter to someone you judge for their flaws; name what you admire and offer a sincere, compassionate message.
Putting compassion into words helps counter the belief that only the flawless deserve love. Writing grounds empathy and uncovers your own need for acceptance.
Call or meet today with an imperfect person you avoid; listen without defending and say one sentence that affirms their worth.
Being present and listening without judgment shows love doesn’t require perfection. This action challenges the inner lesson that flaws make someone unlovable.
Take an 8-minute pause: sit, breathe, and imagine accepting one personal flaw the way you would accept a friend's; write one line that changed.
Compassionate imagination flips self-criticism into kindness. Visualizing acceptance for a friend helps you transfer that same care inward.
How would loving someone imperfect change what you believe about your own flaws?
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