“If you don’t find a way to love a flawed person, secretly you’re teaching yourself that you are not lovable because of your flaws.”
— T. D. Jakes · 1957 –Source: no specific work is documented · Check the source
Disputed attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The sentence is widely attributed to T. D. Jakes across quote compilations, but no searchable primary book, sermon transcript, or publisher text has been found for this exact wording.
- What remains uncertain
- The attribution is disputed/weakly sourced; the wording may be a paraphrase or variant circulating online rather than a verified line from a specific published or transcribed work.
Understanding the quote
The line says refusing to love someone’s imperfections teaches you, in secret, that your own flaws make you unlovable. It ties into modern themes of grace and healing and fits T. D. Jakes’s known emphasis on worth beyond perfection. The wording mainly appears in online quote collections and is not firmly sourced to a primary text.
The story behind it
Thomas Dexter Jakes Sr. was born June 9, 1957, in South Charleston, West Virginia. He is active as a pastor, author, and filmmaker, which helps his phrases spread widely.
Going further
- The era
- In the internet age, many aphorisms circulate on quote sites rather than in printed sermons or books.
- The thinking
- In practice: choose compassion over dismissal. The idea asks you to treat flaws as part of being human, and to prove worth by loving despite them.
- Key word
- Grace: choosing compassion over judgment when someone shows their flaws.
Three challenges to live it
In the app, you pick the one that fits your day, and in the evening you say how it went.
Write for 15 minutes a letter to yourself naming three flaws you fear and how those flaws have affected your relationships.
Putting those fears into words exposes how rejecting others' imperfections can teach you to reject yourself. Writing makes hidden beliefs visible.
Call or message someone close and tell them one imperfect thing you appreciate about them; listen without fixing, just receive their response.
Voicing appreciation for an imperfection flips the rejection pattern and shows, in a real exchange, that flaws can be loved and held.
Sit for 5 minutes and observe a self-critical thought without judgment; notice how it speaks and let it pass.
The quote points to an internalized lesson of unlovability; this mindful pause reveals the judging voice and weakens its hold through simple observation.
How would loving someone imperfect change what you believe about your own flaws?
Report an error
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