“Anger cannot be overcome by anger. If a person shows anger to you, and you show anger in return, the result is a disaster. In contrast, if you control your anger and show its opposite—love, compassion, tolerance, and patience—then not only will you remain in peace, but the anger of others also will gradually diminish.”
— 14th Dalai Lama (Tenzin Gyatso) · 1935 –Source: no specific work is documented · Check the source
Disputed attributionWhat we know
- What is documented
- The wording is widely attributed online to the 14th Dalai Lama, but no primary source (speech, book, or dated text) for this exact phrasing has been located.
- What remains uncertain
- Attribution is disputed: the exact passage lacks verifiable sourcing and reads like a modern paraphrase of older Buddhist teachings.
Understanding the quote
The line points out that meeting anger with anger fuels escalation rather than resolution. Commonly credited to the 14th Dalai Lama, it reflects a lived Buddhist ethic: regulate your response and apply patience and compassion so conflict can cool rather than flare.
The story behind it
The longer wording spread mainly through quotation websites; the shorter variant echoes a Dhammapada verse and predates the internet meme.
Going further
- The era
- Not tied to a specific date; mirrors the Dalai Lama’s contemporary teachings on compassion and nonviolence.
- The thinking
- A practical Buddhist stance: instead of mirroring someone’s hostility, train your mind to stay calm and act with care. That reduces escalation while preserving boundaries.
- Key word
- Compassion: intentionally choosing care and understanding over retaliatory anger.
- Who quoted it
- Often used in anger‑management courses, mediation practice and mindfulness talks, not as a citation from a particular book or speech.
Three challenges to live it
In the app, you pick the one that fits your day, and in the evening you say how it went.
Take three deep breaths the next time someone angers you, counting to five on each inhale and exhale before replying.
A short breathing pause reduces reactivity and opens space to choose patience instead of returning anger, echoing the Dalai Lama's teaching.
Call or message someone you disagreed with, calmly state you want to understand, and listen to their perspective for five minutes without interrupting.
Offering to listen and show understanding shifts conflict into dialogue, practicing compassion instead of matching anger as the Dalai Lama suggests.
Write an unsent letter to someone who angered you describing how you felt, then write a compassionate reply you could actually give.
Journaling feelings then drafting a compassionate response helps process anger and prepares a calm, constructive reaction aligned with the Dalai Lama's advice.
How might staying calm change the outcome of your next conflict?
Report an error
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